Most of my clients are totally unaware of how their past has such a significant impact on their future. Knocks to our confidence when we are younger, embarrassments or traumas impact self-esteem. Some of these incidents may be relatively minor so that we hardly remember them years later whilst others are etched on our memory. Their influence however can still felt many yers later and impact us in our work, our social lives and in our relationships. Our confidence coaching sessions often examine these so that we can help our clients improve self-esteem in relathionsips.
Self-Esteem and Relationships Psychology
Generally we tend to start to address these issues when a client comes to us looking for help with confidence. they know that they might experience jealousy, feelings of not being good enough or fear rejection from either their partner or wider social circle. They probably have never thought about the reasons why they are feeling this way but need help to get out of their negative cycle of thinking. Our first job is to try and help our clients understand how their past has created problems in their present and will continue to do so in the future.
Five Steps to Boosting Self-Esteem
Step One – One of the first steps tends to be working with our clients to help them address the problems from their past. Have their been previous rejections? Did their parents divorce when they were young? Did they come from a family where there was abuse (either physical or psychological? Do they feel good enough? Sometimes it can be relatively easy to trace where problems are coming from and they are very obvious when you start to ask questions. At other times we may use techniques such as hypnosis to find the root cause of a problem. Addressing the root cause makes a huge difference as it allows the conscious brain to process what the real problem is rather than trying to fix something that isn’t important. One of my clients for example hated her boyfriend going out and leaving her alone. She would be clingy and needy and couldn’t understand why. It actually had nothing to do with jealousy but was related to a fear she has from the very first time she was dropped off at nursery school by her mother. She hadn’t been told where she was going and when her mum left she felt terror that she was never coming back. Now all the mind was doing was looking out for the same problem happening againg. Such as simple issue to resolve when the answer was found.
Step Two – We often teach our clients to silence their inner critic as a next step. We all have an inner voice that tells us we are not clever enough, not attractive, not intelligent and so on. If you listen to the voice it can be all too easy to feel like a total failure and wonder why anyone would love us or want to be with us. Through the use of thought stopping techniques, confidence boosting and ego-strengthening it can be relatively easy to change this thought process into something much more positive. When we are kind to ourselves it can make the world of difference to our lives and relationships.
Step Three – Many people with low self-esteem have perfectionist tendencies which are impossible to live up to. They will look at minor flaws that others wouldn’t be concerned with blow them out of proportion. These problems are something that their partners are generally not bothered with but by making such a big deal of these issues it can create a strain on the relationship. We teach our clients to relax and let go of these anxieties and worries. We all have problems, flaws and issues. The skill in life is to play to our strengths and ignore our weaknesses. Nothing is going to be 100% perfect all the time.
Step Four – Building trust and support is a great way to improve self-esteem in a relationship. This can be done by taking an interest in the other partner and finding common ground. So if your partner enjoys exercise then give it a go as well. Join them at the gym, find a way of working out together where you can mutually support each other and connect. Creating shared experiences and finding time to support each other can go a long way in creating positive feelings.
Step Five – Finally we teach you to communicate. Some of the biggest problems in relationships occur because one party is unable to express how they are really feeling to their partner. This leads to anxiety, moodiness, arguments, distrust and upset. Find time to chat and tell your partner what is on your mind. Ask for their support and help and do the same for them. This shouldn’t be embarrassing this should help to improve your relationship and make you feel supported and loved.
Arranging Relationship Confidence Coaching
If you would like to find out more about our relationship confidence coaching sessions or need help to improve self-esteem in relationships then simply give us a call to arrange a confidential chat to talk about our programs. You can reach us on:
01636 650 521